What is a friend?

When i was in high school I had an awful habit. i would refer to my close friends as "friends." It bothered them a lot...and now im analyzing that habit.

For years I explained that my theory of a friend is different than that of most people. What most people see as a friend, I see as an aquaintence. When most people consider a best friend, i consider a friend.

This whole theory has been called into question for me. Basically, it comes down to one person (you all know who). we are trying to figure out if we can be friends. and i think there's a whole definition situation at hand. Because my true friends know they mean the world to me.
It's also been called into question at school - where I am making new friends. These people know a lot about me. They see me in class, they know about my personal life (generally by default), they know a lot. But are they friends?

What do I consider a friend? How often do I communicate with my friends? What do I expect of them?

I didnt consider Julie a friend until we werent living together anymore.
Emily and I hated each other for almost two decades before we fell in love.
How long can friends go without talking and still be friends - I have one friend who I havent seen in 4 years or so and our parents homes are 20 minutes from each other! I moved to California as she moved away...we find each other twice or so a year...

What the hell is a friend?

For me...
Wow, what do I consider a friend.
That's a tough one.

Any answers I have right now will be some what vengeful. And I'm not interested in doing that. And I know my standards are too fucking high for most people. But what do I do when my standards but heads with those of someone else -- someone who i care about but clearly doesnt have the same expectations of a friend?

I guess I'm so good to my friends that they come to accept my idiocies. And learn to deal with the shit.

Wanna be my friend?
___________________________________________________________________


My prediction of my mother's responses:

"Rena, Erica said all you needed was a best friend"
"Rena, you're like my father. Be careful, it will get you in trouble"
"You set your expectations too high"

My prediction of Asher's response:
"Lick lick lick"

My prediction of Sharon's response:
" I love you foof!"

JULIANN

I need to dedicate a post to Julie. In her honor.
Here's the thing. I've been a whining brat on this blog since ive been in LA. I rarely have anything nice to say.
I never talk to Julie. We barely spoke when we lived in the same room for 7 semesters - why would we communicate now?
But clearly there's a connection. A love. a passion.
I've received three - that's THREE - packages from her in the past month.


1 - a fraggle rock doll, 4 mixes, and LOTS of fun toys to entertain me

















2 - Kermit the Frog's Book
(she felt I had become philosophical in my blog. ha)



3 - The squirrel book - by the same guys who made the bigfoot book - which is fucking hilarious

I like Julie, a lot. I even plan to marry her brother. But the best way to make her happy is to confess my love to her on my blog. Because calling her wouldn't do the same thing.
Julie is amazing.
We should all praise the holy julie. and her love for amazon.
Maybe I'll move to Boston and live with her.
That's an idea....

CVS LA SUCKS

there were no christmas tree reeses to be found :(

Last kid picked up

I tried to hack into asher's blog to leave this post - figured it would be funny. But for some reason I couldnt figure out the password - that's a first.

Anyway. I watched as Asher was one of the last kids picked up from school.
Here's the series of photos.




























no one loves me :(

Procrastination?

I wonder why I cant sit and do my work.
Maybe I want to fail?
Maybe I want them to kick me out?

Maybe it's really annoying that the learning person never called me back.
Maybe it's great that my therapist is off celebrating Jesus so I don't get to see her for a week.
Maybe my apartment is really lonely because Josh is in San Diego for the weekend.

Maybe I'm depressed.

Lots of maybes.

I created a new theory for my academic schedule. I'm not presenting it officially yet. Gotta talk to some people. But I think it may work. And it might give me something to be happy about - because this shit is ridiculous. I'm sick of it.

I'm going to Lev's house for Shabbat dinner tonight. His family is down from Berkeley - and the kids are adorable. And then I'm meeting up with a bunch of people to go out for Jordan's 25th. It isnt til tomorrow so apparently we have to drink til midnight. wooooo.

I guess I'll spend the day at Borders tomorrow. which means if anyone wants to provide me with some social life and some entertainment, as well as a break - -- call my cell.

that's my story.
a shitty one. sorry.

Pulled over

A friend and I were crossing the street today (she got starbucks before class) and jaywalked. and then we got pulled over by a cop.
Somehow or another we talked our way out of getting a ticket - but he was almost ready to write it for us. I'm not sure how much it would have been - but shit I would have been pissed if I had to waste money on a fucking ticket.
I tried to explain to him that I'm from NY and we do that there. He wasnt digging it. My friend made it clear that we had been in J'salem last year --which apparently got him feeling badly, maybe? Who the hell knows. It sucked though.

I am pretty sure I just failed my Hebrew test. Exciting, huh?

One more class, then two papers. I'm ready for a vacation. It's time. It's been long enough.

Get this

when you go to Ralph's at 9 pm on the first night of Chanukah, candles are only 50 cents (with your Club Card of course!)

In other news, I think I had a first tonight, lighting my candles alone. Now I have a new understanding of why mom always sent gifts for the roommates - it means there are other people there. There was something horrifyingly painful about the experience, yet something really nice and comforting.

Happy Silly Holiday That I dont Particularly Love,

Rena

PS I do love looking at the candles burning. That's a very nice feeling.

My therapist

wore dark red fuck me boots yesterday.
it made me uncomfortable.

Explain this to me

Why the fuck do people get so stressed out about school?
Especially grad school.
Arent we doing something we love?
Arent we supposed to be enjoying what we do?

Calm the fuck down people.
the work will get done.
Does stressing out make it easier.

Gosh, people are really fucking annoying with their attitudes at this time of year. Bitches.

A post

This is post #100 for me. exciting, huh?

I'm writing a final paper for my mishnah class on circumcision. I'm not really sure how I got to this topic. Well I am, but it only makes sense to me. Regardless, it's a funny topic.

My feet suddenly smell. I dont like it. they like the smell of roses. i dont like the smell of them.
thought i would share. you're welcome.

Gecko

Shimmy's tail is finally growing.
He likes live crickets - the large size.
For every 4 he eats, I kill another 7 or so out of inability to keep them alive.

dammit.

Apology

On behalf of the greater HUC community (encompassing all three stateside campuses)
I would like to apologize in advance for our:

irritability

rashness

harsh words

anger

frustration

tension

and general lack of interest.

DAMN we are a grumpy group.
Enjoy it 'til Xmas...

It was a first

I used a canvas bag at the supermarket tonight.

I felt like such a loser/hippie/good person.

And amazingly, no plastic bags is a GOOD feeling!